REVELATIONS How Going Risqué Made These Women Bolder & Braver While Feeling Sexier Edited by Mark Laurie 1
TABLE OF CONTENTS Revelations How Going Risqué Made These Women Bolder & Braver While Feeling Sexier Edited by Mark Laurie Contact InnerSpiritPhoto.com markl@inner-spirit.com Phone 1.403.252.2662 Introduction 4 Chapter One Emily s Story 5 Chapter Two Catlin s Story 10 Copyright 2016 Mark Laurie/Inner Spirit Photography Published December 2016 Chapter Three Traci s Story 15 Editor - Mark Laurie Interviewer - Richelle Wiseman Advisor - Steve Lillo Cover Design - Mark Laurie Photography - Mark Laurie Photoshop Work-Fran Williams & Mark Laurie Chapter Four Sue s Story 20 Chapter Five Katt s Story 25 Chapter Six Ann s Story 30 2 3
About These Women These are remarkable women. Each of their stories is a revelation on so many levels. Their experience was so emboldening they are comfortable sharing it with you. They reveal their hearts, souls and as you will see, their bodies too. The photography experience of each woman changed them, even changed those close to them. It was an altering of their perspective to empowerment. Watching them move through their story, their experience, has been humbling, even more so to have been a part of it. There was a huge amount of faith and trust given to set aside their fears of being in front of the camera. Their hope is that you will find a mirror in some aspect, however small, of yourself, that you can take to empower your own change. Emily Chapter One Equal to the resulting transformation is why they did it. They were just as nervous, even scared, to be photographed as the average woman. Yet they still choose to do it then talk about it. Like most things in life, overcoming fear successfully, is very powerful. It can transform so many aspects of one s life not even directly touched by the event. Their photographs are their mirrors to how they really look, how the people who love them, see them. It reflected more than that; it showed them their possibilities, their power along with their real beauty. The experience, with their images, created their personal revelations. We all hope you can find some of that here for you too. PS: Each woman s photography was mostly nude. We Photoshopped clothes on many of the images. 4 5
Emily s Story I am a mechanic. I am not your typical ultra-feminine woman in my work. Nude, even boudoir photography, I believed, was for pretty women, but not for me. Seriously, who would I be kidding? But that doesn t mean I don t want to feel feminine at times in my life. Look, I don t have a model s body. I wear overalls and work in a machine shop. Not only that, I put forward the image of a strong woman to the world - I supported my husband through university, I bought the house, I bought the car. So I surprised myself by considering this after seeing a friend s changed view of herself after a nude photo session. She was ecstatic about female empowerment and I could see the changes in her. My husband acted on this momentary lapse of fear and bought the nude photo session for me. So that sealed it! I had to go and have my own session. I kept putting off the photo session by coming up with excuses for myself: I hate any photo of myself, This is just going to be a waste of money, I m going to be uncomfortable, What if this isn t what I signed up for? Finally, I went. I held the family together - of course I was strong! But it was a lie. I was deeply insecure inside. Watching the years take a toll on my body, I thought I looked terrible, and so I avoided mirrors. It was hard for me to deal with myself and my body after having kids. I had gained weight, and my body had changed dramatically. I hoped, on one hand, to see myself differently, to see something I was missing when I looked in the mirror (when I dared to look). I really was still hoping to see more about myself. On the other hand..i was prepared to be disappointed. I was prepared to have a difficult time choosing 12 images that would be reasonably OK. I tried to prepare my husband for this, so I told him we might only end up with a few decent photos. Somewhere between having my hair and make-up done, and when I left the studio five hours later, a transformation took place. I did not want to face the varicose veins, the stretch marks, the lumps and bumps, the craters and cellulite, which were turning my body into a topographical map. I was a long way from seeing myself as a beautiful woman. When I returned to the studio a few days later to see the images, I was amazed! I saw me, only I was pretty! It was 100% me, but I could see me differently. It wasn t the me I saw in the mirror every day. It was the true me, the one that had gone missing for years. This had a huge impact on my life. 6 7
Drastic changes occurred for me. I quit my job where I was working as a mechanic and changed companies. I felt more empowered to speak out, speak up for myself and pursue a job where I got better wages and better conditions. It changed how I dealt with my kids. I was so much more confident as a parent. It changed my relationship with my husband. I was better grounded. I felt stronger in the relationship. He has been so supportive of me, throughout this process. It also changed (and improved!) how we related in the bedroom. Other people noticed a change in me as well. One friend, who had encouraged me to go forward with the photos, said to me that she felt I had added jet fuel to my life. It was like I was a different person. I decided to get counseling, to understand how to move forward without passively letting things happen to me, and to exchange that for pursuing my life and taking ownership of it. I love all of the photos of me for different reasons. One image that has meant the most to me is actually one in which I am not nude. I am in a red coat, wearing red boots, my Power Boots, with 6 inch high heels. I bought them especially for this photo shoot. I have a powerful stance.this is my million dollar woman look. This photo captures who I strive to be, an actual empowered woman, not a woman who is pretending to be. This is no longer an act for me. The photos were a catalyst for me to discover who I was, who I was too afraid to be. My red boots.like Dorothy s red shoes in the Wizard of Oz.took me home to myself. As a mechanic, I know all about fuel and the effect it has on engines. Now I understood how the photographs were like jet fuel to my life. The photos allowed me to take ownership of myself, and to take ownership of what happened to me. I had found new power to see myself differently, and to act with new strength and conviction. 8 9
Catlin s Story Being nervous about my body was not a problem. I had a much bigger issue to face. I struggle with Lyme Disease. I don t feel well a lot of the time. I thought I was strong and poised, but then I lost that woman. I went undiagnosed for 15 years. Cat lin Chapter Two You see, I was always very fit and I took care of my body. My confidence used to be in my physical body, but the disease stripped that away from me. I still looked strong on the outside. But I was fighting a disease, and I no longer felt strong. When I saw the pictures, I saw who I used to be. I was still strong in the photos, even though I hadn t felt that strong in years. Lyme disease is a bacterial disease which affects the body and the brain. I reached a point where I questioned everything about myself. I could no longer count on or trust my body or my mind fully. The disease stripped away my confidence. But in the studio, ironically, stripping away my clothing from my physical body returned my inner confidence to me. I don t know if I can explain it fully. I just know that this is what happened to me. 10 11
That was six or seven years ago. The first shoot was for fun, for a gift. As I approached that first photo shoot, I thought I would be more nervous, more insecure. But by the time I had finished having hair and makeup done, I had relaxed to the point where I was amazed at how comfortable I felt. What I discovered was all the things that make me feel beautiful. I don t nurture my femininity very much, so for that photo shoot, I found all the clothing, scarves, and jewelry that made me feel beautiful. When I saw the photos for the first time, it was an exceptionally emotional moment for me! I would cover my face and look at the body. Then I would cover the body and look at my face. I had to take a bit of time to put the two together, to realize that this was actually me in the photos. ME! This is me! After that first shoot, I started into a rigorous treatment for the disease. That is when I began to look sick, not just feel sick. I kept looking at the photos through my recovery. And this is ongoing. The photos for me are markers, visual proofs which remind me that I AM strong. I look at those photos and see the wisdom and perfection of my body, and I am reminded of how through this long road with this disease, my body has showed up for me. My body did fight, and continues to fight. The photos have helped create a new relationship between my mind and body. They connected two parts of me that had been severed. I didn t see myself as whole. But in the pictures, I could see myself as a whole person, a whole and beautiful woman. For example, there was the Tarantula shoot. Yes, I had a real, live, and terrifyingly beautiful, tarantula walking across my naked body. This was a lesson in trust. The tarantula was the size of my palm. I was doing yoga poses with the spider on my breasts, on my belly. I had respect for this animal, but I also had to trust the lady there who owned the tarantula. The tarantula photo session was such a huge experience of trust on many levels. I don t know that I would have done that for anyone else or anywhere else. All I can say is that the studio is a safe space, and a bit like Narnia. I was transported and transformed when I went into that space. It was a doorway to my femininity. The world squeezes our femininity out of us and tells us to adopt male power, but what I have learned is that I don t want to trade my female power and femininity and exchange it for male power. My power is in love, acceptance, nurturing, not in competition. I have had to learn that with my disease. As I think back to the effect of the photos on me, one in particular stands out. I m completely naked, but in silhouette, so you can t see everything.but what you can see... what I can see... is the strength and poise in my body. I remember that the energy I brought and experienced in these photo shoots was different. I learned to trust myself in a much deeper way. By relaxing into a state of calm presence in the moment, I could actually honour my body. And when I saw the photos, I was so surprised, Wow, that s ME! I cannot fully explain what a gift to me those photos have been, and continue to be. I have now had several photo sessions, and I can honestly say these experiences have helped me recover what I had lost, what the disease took away. 12 13
Everything I have gone through with my disease has been a challenge. So were the photo shoots. But I found the courage to leave my comfort zone, to do difficult things, to become mentally, physically and spiritually vulnerable in front of someone I did not know well. I will continue to do these photo shoots. There is a part of me, and I m guessing - a part of you too - that wants to be seen. You ll never know until you take the first step where it might lead. The medical profession calls my disease chronic. A year ago, I could not even walk or talk. My mom moved in with us to look after me. The doctors prescribe drugs, but I know better now. I know that if I trust my body, treat it with nutrients, diet and good lifestyle choices my body can do amazing things. Even with my physical limitations at times, the photos have documented my discovery that there is a different way to see myself, and to see life. It s amazing what I have gained by losing my clothes. Ironically, stripping away my clothes returned my inner confidence. I have embraced the inner strength I see in the photos, strength I continue to need. Traci Chapter Three 14 15
Traci s Story Thirty-six years ago, I had my first nude photo shoot. It was a very different time. I was 20-something years old. Little did I know what a blessing it was for me to have my first nude photo experience back then. I did not know that I had begun a journey of capturing significant moments in my life with nude photographs. It may sound strange, but I don t remember much about that very first photo shoot. However I do remember many other shoots. Some were personal milestones, while others were family photos, or for business projects. In some, we played around with lighting, new set designs, and concepts. The lion cub experience was fun for many reasons. It was also one of the few times I was actually clothed rather than nude. I was wearing jeans and a crisp white dress shirt. I walked towards the set, pulling down on the bottom of my shirt to smooth it out. Just as I did that, the top buttons popped open. I giggled and said, Oh look, getting nude just automatically happens here! When I was on the set with this adorable lion cub, the lion trainer had it climbing on me, and at one point, the cub looked me in the eyes and let out its best version of a roar. It was so much fun! My absolute favourite image from this session is one of my youngest daughter laying beside the cub, both looking sleepily at the camera as if they had just woken up together; so precious. Every session is a different experience. I have been suspended from the ceiling on a very tiny board. I have posed in many of the numerous set designs that are in the studio. It is a wonderful space where imagination, possibilities and creativity come together. Something about the studio I learned to appreciate is that the floor is heated! Trust me when I say, this is a huge perk especially when posing in the nude. Several experiences and images stand out more than others. One was a very special portrait taken when I was newly engaged to my then fiancé. Another was when my daughters (one pregnant with her son at that time) and I shared the set with a precious baby lion cub. The image from when I was newly engaged, long ago, is one that stays close to my heart. Still to this day, even though I am now married to my true soul mate, it makes me smile. Within this image, I see so much more than what anyone else sees. It was a time in my youth that was amazingly special, like a fairytale where I was the princess who had struggled and nearly gotten lost, with two precious children that depended on me. I was their rock, their everything, just as they were mine. That photo captured the reality that I had found love, contentment, safety, a future, and the belief that dreams can and do come true. These photo shoots are called experiences for a reason. Each session has had a lasting effect on me, and has been an important part of my journey towards greater self confidence. Why? Because I knew all I needed to do was show up barefaced in loose clothing (no lines from undergarments, socks, etc) and enjoy the transformation, internally and externally, that would occur between when I arrived and when I left. This may come as a surprise, but I am always nervous, and a little scared.definitely different degrees of anxiety I would say. Like every woman, I am aging. I can easily be concerned about whether I m going to look as good as I did before. Is my youth slipping 16 17
issues to a degree. They seem to recede after each photo session. Perhaps these sessions are part of why I accept the aging process better now than when I was younger. When I step into the studio, I let my guard down. I am me, as well as a version of me that most people have never seen. I am in a playful place and a very safe place where my inner self is transformed as my body is revealed. The real me comes to the surface, up from the shadows, into the light. From my first nude photos in my twenties, and on through many life milestones, these treasured photos have documented the changes in my body and inner spirit. Each photo session was also a catalyst for internal growth, which is why I love the unique story behind each and every one of he images. As for my tattoo, Love Yourself, these photos, taken over decades of my life, have been a special way for me to do just that. A few years ago, for my 50th birthday, I had a milestone image created for me. While I definitely embrace my age, I was nervous about what I would look like through that camera lens. I took a deep breath anyway, let my robe slip off, and stood naked in front of the lens once more. Within moments, I was comfortable, confident and loving the experience all over again. I loved the sense that I can appreciate and honour my body at every stage and as I age. Now I can envision what I would like my next photo experience to be like. I see images of my arms reaching to the sky, rainbows and fireworks, a true celebration of life and it s magnificence. I would also love to do a couple s session with my husband. I know the photos can capture how passionate, in love, and deeply connected the two of us are. In the meantime, I will continue writing my memoir book titled, From Fear to Fabulous. In one nude photo, the tattoo on my lower back that says, Love Yourself can be seen. This will be the cover of my book. The image itself is somewhat risqué being as the top part of my bum is visible.the addition of a colourful, Mardi Gras mask off to the side gives this image an even deeper meaning while still keeping the sensuality and intrigue. 18 19
Sue s Story Sometimes letting go of your vulnerable self is the secret to finding your strength. A while ago, I realized I was flying under the radar, remaining small, afraid to step out and be who I am. I realized I was reticent to step out and be seen. Part of my journey to strength has been discovering how to let go to feel empowered. Sue Chapter Four I took a big plunge and went for a nude photo shoot. It was terrifying and exhilarating all in one breath. I learned the difference between naked versus nude, and this was an important distinction for me to recognize. I did not know the impact a five hour shoot baring all would have on me until afterwards until I was reflecting on the images staring back at me.there I was liberated, beautiful, strong, with my own sense of beautiful. What a gift to myself, to see myself differently, to learn to be proud of who I am, inside and out. I am a regional manager for a hotel chain. Because I had experienced working with coaches and therapists, I knew the power of self-confidence and self-esteem for women. I knew that rape victims in particular needed to find a way to feel worthy and self-confident again. They also needed to open themselves up, even though selfprotection was their natural way of being. I was not an enthusiast, nor was I fearful of posing nude. I recognized that I needed to validate my self-confidence, and do something 20 tangible to illustrate that. 21
So I decided to pose nude to create a book of 38 images (selected from 300). It was intended to be a gift for the man in my life, but the journey was for me. And I treasure the book as it captures my maiden voyage to a more empowered me. What I remember so clearly was how I made a transition into the photo shoot through the process of getting my hair and make-up done. I was preparing for the baring of my body and my spirit. This part of the journey was like the preparation for any journey there was excitement, a dash of fear, and a sense that I was starting towards a new sense of freedom, and I did not know where it would lead. While I was adding layers of glamour, I was preparing to unveil not just my body, but my inner self. It takes time for you to reach the place where you can take your robe off in front of a stranger. I was conscious that I was naked, but by the time I reached that point, I was comfortable. I was ready. I felt comfortable right away. There was no tightening in my belly. I moved easily into dropping my robe along with my reservations! A few days later, I got to go back to the studio to see the images of myself on a large screen. They took my breath away! There I was.flattered to see myself so beautiful, to see myself as I had never seen myself, yet oddly, to see myself as I knew who I actually was. The lighting, the poses, the make-up and hair, the costumes, were all woven together. I was beautiful.i now saw myself differently than I had ever seen myself before. The photos made me look more beautiful than I think that I am. They impacted my self-confidence. When I saw the finished images, I was seeing myself as glorious, with my inner self and my body coming together in a new way. The photos show the technical expertise and experience of a skillful photographer, no question. But beyond that, the experience of doing the shoot taught me how to stay present in the moment. As I relaxed, I found the ability to express different moods. I could look sultry in some photos. I looked powerful in others. With every new pose, another aspect of the real me was emerging. Later I realized that I had needed to expose myself to rediscover myself. What also became crystal clear for me was the difference between being naked and being nude. Being naked means being exposed. That creates fear and a deep sense of vulnerability. Being nude is quite different. Nudity is a state of being in a position of strength, of being emotionally and spiritually present and in harmony with your own body. With the inner strength I found in my first photo session, I was curious about where this journey might go. I had gained a sense of empowerment and confidence in that first session. What more could there be just waiting for me to take the next step? I went back for my second session, a body-painting event with other women. This time, the preparation with the body painters was long but well worth it. Slowly I became more comfortable having a body painter treat my body as a canvas, and so I became empowered in a new way, empowered to become a work of art. So many new thoughts and feelings about myself in relation to my body swirled inside as the brushes stroked my skin. 22 23
Being with other women undergoing the body painting was also a new twist in this journey. I was not alone; I was with other women who were also taking brave steps towards discovering their inner power and strength. Each and every nude image taken has been valuable to me in a different way. Each image presents a different mood, a different side of me. They are romantic: they are not Penthouse. They are about me finding my own strength, not me posing for someone else. The gift of these photos to me is how they document this journey of discovery I have undertaken. They show me that I am.a strong, independent woman, beautiful and confident in my own skin. I feel liberated with a sense of my own personal beauty, and I am proud of who I am, inside and out. Katt Chapter Five 24 25
Katt s Story It occurred to me that when I am very old and very wrinkled, I would want to remember how I look now. Young and fit. What a treasure that would be. The idea took a strong hold on me as I imagined how it would feel. The more I thought about it, the more I knew it was something I wanted to do, something I had to do. Besides, I also thought it would be a great birthday present for the man in my life. I was a bit nervous and wanted my body to look as perfect as possible. So before the session, I spent extra time at the gym. I mean look, I was planning to do nude photos. I thought a lot about what I wanted, and what it might feel like to do certain poses. I walked in very nervous. I am told everyone does. Yet somehow, I am not sure when during the hair and makeup process, I began to feel extra special with the pampering. Amazingly, it all had a calming effect on me. The photo session began, and very quickly I became comfortable with the camera. As we went along, trying different poses and angles, I felt myself becoming more playful and less self-conscious. Because I am tall and slender, people had often said to me, You re so tall, you should be a model. Somehow that idea never appealed to me. But this was not like modeling clothes for someone else. This was for me, and minus the clothes! Afterwards, I felt different about myself, like I could stand taller, and I was more aware of who I am. What is so interesting is that the photos are not just about my physical body; they are about who I am as a woman and how I feel about myself. I went back for a body painting session, then a second body painting session. Body painting takes a long time, but the end result is so much fun. I was with a group of models and together, we formed a dragon. I have also done two other sessions, a wing shoot, and a water shoot, which were each unique and memorable in their own way. Ever since that first shoot, I have been encouraging my friends to come and experience a nude photography session. I finally bought one friend a body painting session, and she loved it. My other friends are still too nervous to try. I discovered that with risk comes bravery. Because I took a risk with that first nude shoot, I have become braver about taking other risks in my life. For example, in Nicaragua, I tried volcano sledding! No it is not molten lava, but you slide down dried lava chutes. It s terrifying and exhilarating all at once, just like removing my clothes had been! I don t believe I would have been brave enough to try that if I hadn t had that nude photo session with Mark. I will never forget my reaction to seeing those first photos. Wow! That s me, and I look better than I thought I would. I was stunned by how beautiful the photos were, how beautiful I looked. And my boyfriend loved the quality of them! 26 27
One photo is very special to me. I connect emotionally with the beautiful, peaceful photo of me with angel wings, artfully shot with an overhead light. I would never have thought of taking a photo like that. So when I am old, the photos will definitely be a treasure to remind me of this glorious time in my youth when I am young, fit, and taking risks. And even old and wrinkled, I will be glorious then too. Then there is one where I am laying on a bed and photographed using tan filters. I look very long and lean, and even though I am 5 8, I think I look even taller in that photo! I wanted to look as natural as possible in the photos, and we tried a variety of poses that were my ideas. I would make suggestions and with some tweaking, they became successful shots. One of those ideas was for a very unconventional shot. I didn t want to look traditionally pretty in that photo, but I decided to explore the concept of being broken. I wanted to pose as a broken doll. I wanted to push the boundaries past looking beautiful, to having other aspects of my inner self brought to the surface. In the process, I discovered my own beauty and stepped into it. As the photo session progressed, I felt like the star in my own show, and it was a VIP experience. What woman doesn t need to feel that way? I felt empowered and braver to take on other challenges and risks in my life. I felt new strength in having my inner and outer beauty come together in the session, and I return to that place when I look again at the photos. Women need to know that our bodies are not meant to meet the Victoria s Secret standard. I know that I am beautiful, and that every woman is beautiful in her own way. 28 29
Ann s Story So my trigger was, I got pregnant. For fourteen years, I had been thinking about a nude session with Inner Spirit Photography, but you know, the timing just never seemed right. You know how that goes. My mom told me I should have done it back then. I believe a woman s pregnant form is beautiful. Now the timing was perfect. Ann Chapter Six I wanted to celebrate my first pregnancy with a nude photo shoot of my baby bump form. I wanted to preserve that special moment in my life. To share a transformational moment with my son. Two years later, my daughter reshaped my belly again. This pregnancy was very different. My body was different. The celebration of my shape and my love for this emerging life was the same. For me, having those photos taken during pregnancy was more about the art form of the body than it was about me. But it was certainly all about celebrating my pregnancies with both of my kids. Over the years, we have had Mark do 10 photo sessions with my kids. The photos have captured their energy and personalities, and they have been photographed with a lion cub, and with a puppy. It has been fun to document my children as they grow up, and to see how much they change from year to year. 30 31
Now my kids are in hockey, and we might go to the rink and have them photographed playing hockey. I really believe that photographing our lives at key times is so important to preserving remarkable memories. Nine years passed before I decided I needed nudes of myself. I had lost the mommy weight by then, and it was time to celebrate my body once again. I felt I wanted to memorialize my body, where it has come from, and where it is now. But there was a more important reason. I wanted photos that did not just reflect my form, but also who I was deep inside. Becoming a mother had changed me, inside and out. You can imagine how odd it felt to be quite nervous again. This photo session was something quite different. Yet I barely noticed when I had transitioned into being comfortable again, comfortable in my own skin, with my body, and who I had become. It is not about being naked. I discovered the freedom to explore and push boundaries, and it all seemed very natural. What I remember so clearly about that shoot was Mark s ability to draw something out of me, something special I didn t know was there. This happened during the shoot, and then it happened more powerfully when I saw it in the photos. Even as I was posing for shots, I could sense the changes slowly happening. I knew what I wanted to look like, but I did not know that I could look that way. I felt my self-confidence growing as my anxiety was waning. My self-image was being transformed. When I first saw the photos from that shoot, I was shocked! This is me? Are you sure? I could hardly believe that I could look like that! I ve never viewed myself in that way. I looked great! My partner loved the shots, and we had to choose our favourites out of the 200 images taken which wasn t easy. I felt different after that photo session. I was more confident, and that confidence has translated into my life in several ways. I am not as anxious. I don t critique myself as much anymore. I feel a new sense of power now, as though I have been stripped to the bare essence and I have come out stronger on the other side. I feel stronger in my medical practice, in my marriage, as a mother, and as a woman. One image that means a lot to me is one I call my strong female shot, because it captures my female strength. It is a backside shot with me holding a large heavy chain over top of my head. The chain is hanging down my back, highlighting my strong, lean female curves. I remember how strong I felt in that shot, how much my spirit connected with my body and I felt I could now tackle anything. When I need to tap into my strength, I look at that photo and I am in that moment again. Because I am a chiropractor, I know the importance of the spine to the body s stability and strength overall. For me, that image is a perfect connection between what I have experienced in becoming empowered and what I seek to do for others in my chiropractic practice. 32 33
Through 14 years, with two pregnancies and many, many physical changes, my nude photos remind me that the inner changes have been even more significant for me. The photos don t just capture my body s changes. I can also see my inner changes in the images as well. This is what makes these photos so extraordinary and so meaningful. They really do reveal my inner spirit. I look at myself in the mirror several times a day, and I still don t see what I can see in these photos. What a gift they are to me! I know other women who need to have this experience but they are holding back. To them I say, Swallow your fear and go and do it. You will love the experience of the session, you will love the photos, and you will see yourself differently for the rest of your life. Why are you holding back? 34