My Life As A Hamburger (Human Language is not translated.) 1 I am sorry to start this story off badly, but the title is completely misleading. Well...yes, I am a hamburger. And yes, I had a life but it isn t about it! It is quite the opposite. My name is Hammy and this is the story of how I died. In the greasy kitchen of McDonalds, I was born (or as humans call it, made) inside a warm, cosy little oven. The heat from the walls bounced onto me. It made me feel toasty, my meat crackled, my cheese fizzed, my bun face getting browner and softer. I would have gladly stayed forever in the comfort of my oven when one of the walls opened. The cold air from the outside rushed in. I was petrified, frozen still. Who dared enter my oven without permission? But before I could fight back, a large thing snatched me up and took me away. The creature I was faced with was terrifyingly ugly. Sweat dripping down its face, large crackly lips and pimples that looked like the pus from inside them would explode at any moment. Who are you?! I commanded. How dare you kidnap me?! Jjewuejn. Rfufg eheruiccwiq. The creature spat in my face. I could feel its revolting saliva on my face.
Are you mocking me? My tomato sauce boiled in rage. But before I could give it some butt-whooping, another foreign voice shouted: Herby! Igugttrtrjm! Uuddhnh da Hamburger feiwbueru! The creature who still had me in its sweaty palms rolled its eyes and threw me in a red paper box. I tried to stop hyperventilating. The box was moving and making me feel sick. Whoa, Hammy. Calm down. You ll get yourself out of this. My lettuce leaves told me. I began to relax until the box was tossed down onto a flat surface. The strange voices started up again. A soft, adult voice was muffled because of the box as it spoke. Snip de Hamburger, ejddee. The roof of the box opened. Large green eyes as bright as the sun stared at me ravenously. The lips were licked, the nose sniffed in my scent. Was she going to...no, there couldn t be any cannibals here. Suddenly, the creature s hands attacked me, pulling and tearing me into halves. I screamed at the top of my lungs. The excruciating pain was so unbearable. Tomato sauce oozed out of my torn sides. The mouth opened and the creature pulled me closer and closer to it. IT WAS GOING TO EAT ME! The mouth closed and I was left in darkness. 2
Chomp. Chomp. Chomp. The gnashing teeth grinded me inside out into pieces. The pain still stung but death was so near it didn t matter. Bits of my body was floating on the creatures tongue. A sesame seed tear ran down my bun. I was going to die so young. I was about to give in when bright lights shone my way. They crowded me, giggling and tickling my body. One of the little things addressed me. Hi, It voiced was high-pitched and sweet like a child s voice. Who-Who are you? My mouth has been separated so I could only think to it. I m Annie the Amylase Enzyme. It beamed at me. I help my brothers and sisters break down carbohydrates so the Body can digest them properly. Oh, okay. What are carbohydrates? I asked. Annie said Oh, bread, potatoes, buns...so I m pretty breaking you down. Oh, it s time for you to go. Bye bye. I was horrified. Wait-what will happen now?! I started to rock back and forth down a large hole. The last time I ever saw Annie was as she watched me fall down the long, dark tunnel. Soon I landed in a large area filled with strange liquid. I counted every bit of my body that had been broken off. 75 pieces of me were floating around in this sea. Suddenly, out of the walls came bright small creatures. They looked like Annie but a different colour. They
crawled up the meaty bits of me and started to break down and shrivel them up. Hey! Stop that! Someone please tell me where I am! I pleaded. One of the enzymes heard me and floated over. Howdy, I m Peter the Protease Enzyme. I break down- Yeah, yeah, yeah. You break up my meat so the Body can digest it properly. I KNOW! But where am I? I pleaded. Will I stay here forever? Peter sighed and took a large breath. You are food. The Human, which is the thing that ate you needs you to keep her full of energy. Without food, the Human will die and everything in the Body, including me, will also die. You were put in the mouth and masticated and the amylase enzymes broke you down. Then you travelled down the oesophagus and came into the stomach. This is the stomach. The protein here must be broken down by me and the acid that you are floating on will break you down even more. I tried to take in everything he had said. I had been sacrificed so this Human could survive? How awful! Suddenly, the liquid underneath started eating away at me. I broke into smaller pieces, turning into nothing but a soggy blob. Help! HELP! It s killing me! Get it off! What s it doing to me?! I screamed at Peter in fear. He just smiled.
It s the acid. It s breaking you down so you can go into the small intestine. Sorry, got to go. Protein to break up. See you later. Peter bounced away as I was sucked into the walls and taken through another tunnel. But instead of falling down, I was sliding horizontally. So I kept dying slowly, each section I was broken down in took longer and longer. Peter had said that I was now in the small intestine. I was being taken around so many twists and turns. Where was this intestine leading to? I guess without any enzymes to talk to me, I wouldn t know. 3 Enzymes. They weren t very polite, were they? They broke me down and left me to be whisked away to another section of the body with nothing but a chirpy Bye.. I guess they were so busy breaking up other Hamburgers that they only had little time to talk. Soon the tube (small intestine) got larger in width. The large intestine. I could bounce my small, blobby bits of me around on the walls. Some parts of me were so minuscule that they went straight through the walls. I knew that it was the end now. I was so broken up and distorted that I could finally die. There were only two blobs of me left when a thin slit opened up and we barged through. Goodbye.
Epilogue Tatiana sat on the toilet, kicking her legs back and forth, singing a song. La de da La de da The poopies should come out now. Went through the mouth as food I chewed it all up and it went down down down Down the oesophagus that led to the stomach The stomach acid broke it all up Through the small and large intestine Then out my bum And that s how it all works! When she had finished her business, Tatiana pulled up her pants and looked at the fine piece of work. Mummy, Mummy, she squealed in delight. Come see, Mummy! My hamburger I ate is in the toilet! THE END By Tallulah