Cinderella. A pantomime by Archie Wilson EXTRACT

Transcription

1 Cinderella A pantomime by Archie Wilson EXTRACT This pantomime is under copyright and may not be printed, quoted or performed without the permission of Smiths Scripts or the Author. NO PERFORMANCE OF THIS SCRIPT MAY BE UNDERTAKEN WITHOUT THE APPROPRIATE FEE BEING PAID AND A LICENCE GRANTED. FOR FURTHER INFORMATION PLEASE CONTACT SMITH SCRIPTS - INFO@SMITHSCRIPTS.CO.UK

2 Character List: Cinderella Buttons Dame Hardup Bella (Ugly Sister) Donna (Ugly Sister) Prince Dandini Baron Fairy Tinker King Queen Trumpeters/guards x 2 Mice x 2 Dancers Villagers/chorus

3 Act one Scene One (Curtain opens to village scene with castle on backdrop and a long winding road up to it. It s market day and all the villagers are on stage ready for opening song. After song, enter stage left Buttons. He is happy and full of the joys of spring.) Buttons: (to Villagers) Hi everybody, what a glorious day (Villagers response) Buttons: Makes you glad to be alive doesn t it. I could dance with joy! Villager One: I thought it was Cinders you are in love with Buttons: I am in love with Cinders Villager Two: Who s this Joy you want to dance with then? Buttons: No no, I mean I m so happy I could dance with joy Villager Three: Well Cinders won t be very happy if she catches you dancing with Joy Buttons: No no..oh never mind. Have you seen Cinders today? Villagers No Buttons: Only I ve got something for her you see Villager One: Oooh, what is it? Villager Two: Can we see? Buttons: Only if you promise not to tell her.it s a surprise. Villager 1: We won t say a word Buttons: Ok then (Puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out a grubby paper bag) Buttons: (holding the bag aloft) It s this! Villager One: A paper bag? Buttons: No no..this! (Removes paper bag to reveal another underneath) Villager Two: Another paper bag? Buttons: No no this (Removes paper bag to reveal another underneath) Villager Three: More paper bags? Buttons: No no this (Opens the bag and pulls out a grubby pair of very large knickers. Villagers burst into laughter) Buttons: What? Villager Two: You can t give her those Buttons: Why not? Villager Three: Because they re far too big Villager One: And unfashionable Villager two: And, and smelly! (All villagers fall about with laughter again) Buttons: Well I don t care, it must get very cold in the kitchen Dame Hardup makes her work in and these are very warm. Villager Three: Well don t say we didn t warn you Buttons (Villagers exit left and right laughing) Buttons: Hey! Where are you all off to Villager One: Haven t you heard? The Prince s Valet Dandini is coming to town to make a big announcement. We don t want to miss it Byeeeee Buttons: But hang on, wait, I wanted you to help me. Oh never mind.

4 (Looks around)where can I hide this present so Cinders doesn t see it and nobody steals it? (A stagehand appears stage right with a hat stand, or similar contrivance, and places it backstage right) Buttons: (Spying the hat stand) Ah! Thespian intervention. I can hang them on this. (Puts knickers on hat stand then returns to centre stage front) but how can I stop them being stolen? (House lights up suddenly and Buttons sees the audience) Buttons: Oh golly gosh you gave me a fright sneaking in through the back door. Did any of you pay? Only (name of your club) are desperate for your money (Audience reaction) Buttons: Ok ok keep your knickers on.speaking of which..perhaps you could help me keep these safe. (Indicates knickers on hat stand) They re for Cinderella you see, my girlfriend. Well she doesn t know she s actually my girlfriend yet but I ll tell her one day. I m sure she ll be absolutely thrilled when she knows she can have me for a husband; after all the villagers call me lovely things like desperate, despicable, depraved and destitute..what girl could resist a man like that? Anyway, will you help me with these? (Holds up knickers, audience reaction) Buttons: Thank you! Oh thank you. What I need you to do is to keep an eye on these knickers and let me know if anybody tries to take them off, OK? (Audience reaction) Buttons: Shall we give it a try? I ll go off and creep back on pretending to be a burglar and as soon as I touch the knickers you all shout out Knickers, as loud as you can alright? (Audience reaction) Buttons: Here we go then (Runs off stage left then creeps back on and touches the knickers. Audience reaction) Buttons: Have you done it? I didn t hear anything. Let s try once more with a big loud shout! (Repeats above) Buttons: That s much better! Must rush now though, got to find out what this announcement thing is all about byeeeeeeee (Exits stage left. Enter stage right Bella and Donna, the ugly sisters appropriately dressed) Bella: Oh no! (holds her nose) must be market day Donna: Thank goodness those horrible little villagers have gone. Bella: Yes, I don t know why mummy doesn t have them put down, they lower the whole tone of the neighbourhood Donna: Yes, well (name of your village or town) was always a slum and things haven t changed. Dame Hardup: (From offstage right) BellaDonna, where are you my little chickpeas? Bella: It s mummy Bella/Donna: We re here mummy (Enter stage right Dame Hardup) Dame: There you are my angels, mummy was worried about you out all on your own in this nasty town. Goodness knows what might happen to two lovely young girls here. Phew! What a horrible smell. Bella: It isn t me, I had a bath last month Donna: It can t be me, I used that perfume you have in the cupboard Dame: What perfume? Donna: That French perfume Dame: I haven t got a French perfume Donna: Yes you have, it s called Dettol

5 Dame: That s a disinfectant dunderhead Donna: Oh Bella: I think the market fruit was rotten mummy, that s what the smell is Dame: It s the horrible villagers that were rotten my little cherub, looks like a few of them are still lurking down there (Points to audience) why don t you clear off you lot, you re frightening my babies (Enter stage left Baron Hardup, he is very poorly dressed) Baron: Hello my dear Dame: There you are you miserable excuse for a man. You shouldn t be out on your own somebody might mistake you for a mouse. Baron: Sorry dear, but I had to come and tell you that the Prince is holding a ball.his valet will be here shortly to make the announcement, he s looking for a wife. Donna: Why, has he lost one? Dame: Don t be stupid child. He wants to find someone to marry Donna: Will the Prince let Dandini get married? Baron: No no dear, not Dandini, the Prince himself Donna: Why did you say Dandini then? Baron: I didn t Donna/Bella/Dame: Oh yes you did (Etc) Dame: Wait a minute.did you say the Prince is looking for a wife? Baron: Yes my dear and Dandini.. Dame: Then he need look no further Bella: Yes, he ll want to marry me Donna: No, he d prefer me, I m the femoral artery around here Bella: Femoral artery? Donna: It s French stupid. It means.. Bella: Don t you call me stupid you fat old slug Donna: What! I m not a fat old slug am I mummy Dame: Of course not my darling Donna: Am I daddy? Baron: Well. Bella: Anyway what does femoral artery mean Baron: It means a big fat blood vessel Donna: Don t be silly daddy! Do I look like a big fat blood vessel? Baron: Well. Dame: You mean Femme Fatale it s French for a very very very beautiful woman my sweet, such as I. (Preens herself outrageously), perhaps I should suggest a blind date Baron: It d have to be Dame What did you say, you despicable little toe rag you Baron: I said I m sure he d love to see you dear Dame: Hmmm I don t doubt it Baron: But you re already married. Dame: Tell that to the Marines Baron: I m sure you ve already done that to lots of them already. Dame: Where s that dratted good for nothing Cinders, she needs to sort out our clothes, do our hair, wash our feet, paint our nails, get the wax out of our ears, wash our knickers, blow our noses and.. Baron: Change your nappies? Bella: Oh daddy! We haven t worn nappies since last year

6 Donna: And last week we stopped using the potty Baron: More work for the cleaners then Dame: Cinders, Cinders Where are you, you little heathen? Cinders: (from offstage left) Coming (Enter Cinders stage left appropriately dressed in rags and carrying a large broom) Baron: Hello sweet.. Dame: Where have you been you stupid good for nothing! I ve been calling you for five minutes Cinders: Sorry stepmother, but I ve been very busy cleaning the kitchen after BellaDonna s breakfast Dame: I don t want excuses, I ve already got one for a husband. An announcement is soon to be made that the Prince is holding a ball so he can choose a wife and we need to get ready he s sure to choose one of us Cinders: A ball! How wonderful, I ll be able to wear that only slightly soiled gingham dress you bought me from Help the Aged. Dame: Slightly soiled! You can barely notice the oil, tea, coffee, and other unmentionables from a hundred metres. Do you know that cost me four pence? You re certainly not going. Do you think we want to be embarrassed by a dirty little kitchen girl? Anyway, the Prince wouldn t look twice at you when he d got me and my Bella and Donna to ogle. Would he Baron? Baron: Well.. Cinders: Not going? Oh please stepmother. Bella: Of course she can t go, mummy, she looks like a donkey s backside. Eehaw, eehaw Donna: Anyway, she wouldn t have the time after she s sorted our clothes, done our hair, washed our feet and painted our nails. Eehaw, eehaw Bella:..and painting the nails will take her ages, there s hundreds of them to in our bedroom alone. Dame: (Puts her head in her hands) Good Lord. Baron: Of course my daughter must go to the ball my dear Cinders (Throwing herself into the baron s arms) Thank you daddy Donna: She s not coming with us Bella: The Prince will think we re all as ugly as she is Donna: Yes, we ll all be brushed with the same tar Dame: Tarred with the same brush darling. Of course your filthy little daughter is not going to the ball you pathetic little gerbil. Baron: But. Dame: No buts.now take a biscuit from the barrel and go to your room. Baron: Yes dear (Exits, head lowered, stage left) Dame: (To Cinders) Now then you, clear off back to the kitchen. We don t want Dandini to think we have any association with a scruffy little urchin like you. (Cinders starts to sob quietly and slowly exits stage left. All on stage watch her go) Bella: Ooooh mummy look (Points to knickers) what s that? (Goes over and reaches out to them. Audience reaction. Buttons runs on stage right) Button: Who s taking my knickers down? Dame: Leave that alone darling, goodness only knows who s been in them if they belong to this little twerp (indicates Buttons) Buttons: Yes, leave them alone. They re a present for somebody really special Donna: Are they for me? Bella: No! They re for me. I m much specialler than you

7 (A fanfare is heard from offstage) Donna: What s that? Dame: It s a fanfare Bella: Oooooh I m a great fan of fairs Donna: Yes, candy floss Bella: Toffee apples Donna: Ghost trains.. Bella: Ladies.. Buttons: Ladies? Bella: Yes, My Fair Ladies, have you never heard of it? (All on stage groan. Fanfare again, much closer this time) Dame: Quickly, quickly girls, this must be Dandini with the announcement (Enter stage right Dandini flanked by two trumpeters. They come to centre stage front. Dandini opens up a scroll of parchment, clears his throat and opens his mouth to speak. Both trumpeters blow a fanfare. He looks exasperated and opens his mouth to speak again. Trumpeter number one blows half a fanfare. He looks at him, opens his mouth to speak and trumpeter number two blows half a fanfare. Pause. Dandini turns to trumpeters, takes their trumpets and throws them off stage before slapping each of their faces. Trumpeters look suitably chastened. Dandini turns to front and opens the scroll again) Dandini: Hear ye, hear ye! King Michael the Miserly and Queen Ursula the Ugly would like to invite you all to a ball to mark the coming of age of their beloved son Prince Harry the Handsome. It is their Majesties intention to marry off Prince Harry so that he is not such a drain on the royal coffers. All are welcome.. bring your own food and drink and some extra for the Royal family. (Dandini rolls up scroll. As he does so the trumpeters look at each other then attempt to play a fanfare through their hands. The valet looks at them with contempt before striding off stage right. The trumpeters scuttle off after him.) Dame: Come on girls, we have a ball to get ready for, let s make ourselves beautiful Buttons: The ball is tomorrow not next year. (Dame and Ugly Sisters stalk off stage left. Buttons comes to the front) Buttons: A Royal Ball! Anyone ever seen a Royal Ball? (Reaction) Buttons: Well I can t wait. I wonder if Cinders knows (Enter stage right Cinders, head down and sobbing) Button: What s the matter Cinders? Cinders: There s going to be a royal ball, the Prince wants to find a wife Buttons: Why the tears? It ll be a great chance to hobnob with the big nobs (Cinders bursts into tears) Cinders: Oh Buttons, I won t be going to the ball Buttons: Of course you will me little stinging nettle everybody is invited Cinders: I know but my stepmother says I can t go Buttons: She can t stop you Cinders: She ll lock me in that horrible kitchen Buttons: I m big and brave, I ll steal the key Cinders: She keeps it in her Buttons: Keeps it on her what? Cinders: She keeps it inside her bloomers Buttons: Ah, don t think I m that brave Cinders: Oh Buttons, I m so unhappy

8 (Cinders runs off crying stage right. Buttons come to front, curtains close behind him. Scene change to kitchen behind curtain)